The Fools Theatre Presents..... A Different Path A Wish Gone Awry ***************** An old shiveled figure was skipping(?) along a road carrying a cloth bag twice his size. As it floated happily, it stopped suddenly in its tracks. Turning to look at the audience, he bowed and smiled almost seductively. We could now see his face. It was old. Ancient even. Like that Old Ghoul Cologne. Oh sorry Elder. A lecherous grin spread across his face as he held something soft and fluffy in his hands. It turned out to be the evil female underwear "collector" Happousai. "What a haul! WHAT A HAUL! Look at my silky darlings! Aren't they cute?" He held up the aforementioned objects for all to see. "And the contract I signed for this show stated that I get a truckload of the silky darlings as payment. Heh heh. So it is worth the beatings and trashing I am about to experience. SWEETO!" In the background the director was sweating profusely. What in the entire world possessed him to sign that devil deal with Happousai? Uh Oh. Here comes Akane and the angry Hentai Shooting Squad. As soon as she came near the aged martial arts master, she was suddenly well aware of tiny hands touching her bosom. "ARGH! HENTAI! Let go now!" Akane flailed her arms about trying to dislodge the parasite on her breasts. She felt a brief cold draft and realised that the old hentai had taken her bra again! Screaming furiously, she joined the Squad into pursuit of the panties thief. Blowing a raspberry and sneering at the girls pursuing him, he bounced around and deftly avoided the Mallet-Samas thrown at him. While groping those fleshy um.. balls? bosoms. Soft and smooth white skin. He drooled and fondled them. "Wahaha Now to see my favourite girl. Ranma-chan where are you? Master Happy is coming for you!" Happousai called out in a sing-song voice. A red and black blur swooshed in front of Happousai and punched him to the ground. Looking up, he saw Ranma smirking at him. "No more Ranma-chan for you. She is gone! Happy now?" Ranma sneered at him. What? No more bouncy buxom redhead to drool at? No more pure big chested bosoms to grope at? NOOOOOO....... This can't be true! Noooo..... Suddenly a sexy woman dressed in black leather with strange marks on her face appeared in a cloud of smoke. Poof! The woman looked at Happousai with a wicked glint. "You are Happousai right? Oh great! I am Marller, 1st Class 1st Category the cool dude Demoness! And you get a wish from me!" "A wish? Really?" Happousai's eyes lit up with renewed vigour. Finally I can have my Ranma-chan back! "Yeah Yeah. Hurry Up will you old foad? I don't have all day!" Marller tapped her foot impatiently. "Ok I wish for Ranma-chan to return!" Happousai was delighted. Ranma was about to pound the old lech into asphalt when he was surrounded by a wist of smoke. An audible Poof! was heard and Marller smiled and announced that the wish was granted. She then quickly vanished before they could react. A familiar redhead emerged from the smoke wearing the chinese red shirt and black pants. Looking down at herself, she could see she was female again. "Oh Man! I just got rid of this and now I am stuck with the curse again!" Feeling two tiny hands moving around her chest, she looked down and saw the old master glued to her chest. "Ranma-chan you returned! The wish do come true after all! Sweeto! What a day this is!" Happousai basked in the warm flesh. "Argh! Get off me you Hentai!!" She took out a giant titanium tipped sledgehammer from subspace and proceeded to pound the old lecher into nothingness. Akane and the Squad backed away when they saw the size of the HUGE hammer. They watched in awe as the redhaired girl hit the old man mercilessly. Punting the flat pancake of meat into space, Ranma-chan relaxed and breathed heavily. "Are you alright Ranma? You are a girl again!" Akane examined the girl. "Yeah I am fine. Happousai made a wish and it came true! Now I am stuck with the curse again! Why did these things happen to me?" Ranma was exasperated. "Pigtailed girl! You have returned! I declare my love for you My Pigtailed God--" Kunou was pounded into unconsciousness by Ranma's new hammer. "Oooo the goddess has returned to our embrace! Let us all give her a hug to show our gratitude." A dozen boys joined Kunou. They were from the Fire Haired Goddess Otaku Club. "Hello Babe! Wanna go out with me?" A second later Moroboshi Ataru was hammered, stung and zapped by lightning bolts. "Argh why do these things happen to me? I need hot water!" A kettle of hot water was thrown in Ranma's direction. As the steaming water hit her, she transformed. However the next scene gave Akane and the girls a stunning sight. It was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen. Lush red hair flowed down her back. Rosy cheeks and pink rose lips adorned a face that could only be described as impossibly pretty. The most perfect figure and perfect face. All the girls had hearts in their eyes upon seeing this divine vision. Slowly they began to advance on Ranma sporting naughty looks. The woman looked at them nervously and began to back away from the Hentai Girl Troop. Screaming, she began to run away, followed by a huge gathering of hormone overloaded males and females. "Argh!! Why do these things happen to me!" Her seductive tone spurred the crowd even more and they chased her even harder. All the while Happousai and Marller were rolling on the floor laughing like hell. Serve the boy-girl right! Hahahahahahah! Moments later a truck bearing the Triumph brand drove up and a delivery man came out. Checking his pad, he went to Happousai and asked him to sign. Then the truck opened to empty the silky bras and panties inside. Once finished the truck left. Marller stopped laughing and looked at the underwear Happousai was now fondling. She realised what happened. Uh oh. Glomp! Looking down at her breasts, she found a small old man grabbing her assets with his hands. Rage welled up in her. "YOU... YOU... HENTAI! DIEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed. Pounding the old lech to the ground, she cast a fire spell on the underwear. Serve him right! Nobody, that is No MEN, could glomp her and get away with it! Well it's a long day. I better get home. With that she vanished, leaving a crying old man looking dejectedly at his silky darlings burning away into nothingness. Why can't they let an old man have his pleasures before he passes into the afterlife? "Noooo... My darlings!" Happousai cried out loud. Well he still had the girls to glomp and the new look Ranma-chan to fondle. Life was not so bad after all. It was better! Chuckling evilly, Happousai went after the girls. ===== Commercial Break: Ranma was walking along a street of shops when he thought he saw something. A sign that read: Jusenkyo curse? No problem! We got the cure! He dashed in and asked the shopkeeper about it. The shopkeeper put out a bottle of water that was labelled "Nannichuan water." He asked how much is it. 50,000 yen? Scratching his head, he reached into his pockets and pulled out only 15,000 yen. Damn not enough cash! He was thinking of walking to the nearest ATM when he saw his worst nightmare walk in through the door. Nabiki was wandering around the same street and she saw the sign. Smiling with yen signs in her eyes, she could imagine how much money she could make with the "cure". Walking in, she saw Ranma standing at the counter frustration evident on his face. Spotting the bottle, she made a leeway to the counter and asked the shopkeeper the price. Snickering when she realised that Ranma could not afford it currently, she decided to snatch up the opportunity. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a plastic card and handed it to the shopkeeper who nodded and put the bottle into a bag for her. Then he went to the credit card machine and settled the account. After a while he returned and gave the card back to Nabiki, thanking her for her purchase. As Ranma stood there flabbergasted, Nabiki walked to the door. Before she exited the shop, she turned around and smiled at Ranma, flashing the card. "Nerima Visa Express Card. The perfect cure for you cash strapped cursed folks. Accepted worldwide even in Jusenkyo! Don't Leave Home Without It." ===== Ranma was frantically fleeing the group of hormone charged girls and boys. Reaching the Tendou Dojo, she quickly ran to the one person known to offer some help. "Kasumi quick hide me!" She was now frightened. Kasumi walked out of the kitchen and wondered what was going on. Seeing the beauty before her, she was confused. Red hair? Wait that could only mean one thing. "Ranma-kun? I thought you were cured? How did you turn female again?" "That Old Lech made a wish and now I am a full female. I can't change back." The young woman growled. "Oh My! You looked gorgeous! Don't you think you are..... Lovely!" Kasumi's eyes seemed to glaze over. Uh Oh! At this time Genma and Soun walked in. The two patriarchs were staring at her. Realizing who this girl was, they began their usual banter. "Ranma? Why are you a girl? I thought you were cured BOY!" "Waaah! My son in law changed into a girl again! The schools will never be joined again!" "How could you son? After all I have done for you? OH What shame! I have raised a feminine boy! Not a manly one!" "Ranma! You are going to change back into a boy right? Then the agreement still could work out!" "Um I already tried using hot water but to no effect. Besides it's the old lech's fault for wishing me to be this way!" Ranma replied hotly. "Ranma? Did you look at the mirror? You look different." Kasumi asked when she got out of her love trance. Scooting over to the mirror, the woman got a good look at herself. She was about the same height as her male self. Her chest shrank a little but her body now was more balanced. She also looked older and more mature. But what really shook her was the thought that this was her true form and the curse was still functional. Slowly she asked for a cup of cold water. Kasumi went to the kitchen and returned with the water. Ranma quickly poured the water over her head and watched the change into a familiar buxom and short girl. Shivering from fear more than cold, she sat down heavily on the floor and began to cry. Kasumi quickly comforted the sobbing girl. It was bad enough that Ranma was cursed again. It was worse when her true form was no longer a boy but a beautiful woman. Next Nodoka entered the family room and saw the redhead crying in Kasumi's arms. Shocked, she moved to the two girls and asked what happened. After hearing the story from Ranma, she embraced the broken girl. "Don't worry Dear. I am sure this is just a temporary situation." "Mom, Happousai make the wish. I am no longer a man. I am a woman! How do you think I feel? I don't change sex any more!" Ranma was getting angrier by the minute. "Well its not like you were not stuck before. And now that you are a woman, I expect you to wear proper female clothes. And before you thought of boxers and pants, I want you to wear bras and panties and slacks. You may not have to wear dresses and skirts. Understood?" Nodoka was adamant. Kuso! A depressed Ranma reluctantly agreed. Nodoka then ushered the three of them to Kasumi's room to teach the new woman about feminine things. Including gulp! periods. Moments later Nabiki and Akane returned to the house, the latter having gotten out of her love me juice. Nabiki smirked at her sister's uneasiness. But before either of them could speak, they were greeted with a sight not commonly seen. Totally unexpected you might say. Having changed back to her older form, Ranma was now dressed in a dark blue blouse and black slacks. The bra could be seen visible from the outline of the blouse. The dragon hair was no longer needed as the hair no longer grew spontaneously. Probably due to her being female wholely. Her red hair flowed freely down her shoulders. A faint lipstick and blush adorned her elfin face. The most notable change was her older face. No longer the cute girl but a gorgeous woman. If it wasn't for the scowl on her face, she would be the pigtailed goddess Kunou was so obsessed with. "Ranma is that you?" Akane was shocked. Nabiki could only stare and smirk at the redhead's uncomfortable demeanor. "Yeah I am stuck as a girl. But this is my true form and the curse just reverts me to my original curse. Mom forced me to wear this! Argh why did these things happen to me?!" The red haired woman just tucked at the collar of her blouse. "Oh how nice! Ranma now a woman amongst women! *snickers* Just wait till the boys at school found out about this! Ohohohohoho!" Strangely Nabiki sounded almost like Kodachi's old laugh. "You wouldn't!" After seeing Nabiki's face, Ranma resigned herself to her fate. "You would." "Maybe we should go see Cologne. She probably has an idea of what to do and how to change you back." Akane suggested. "Kuso! Arigato Akane. If anyone had any idea of how to change me back, it would be the Old Ghoul. Let's go!" Ranma grabbed Akane's hand and left the Dojo in a huff. "Hey wait for us!" The rest followed Nabiki out. ===== Yet another commercial break. (Hey we got to eat too. Where do you think we earn the money from? Fans? Hah. That's what you think!) Akane was shambling along the road looking like she had just fought a hard battle. Close in we could see her tongue sticking out of her mouth and saliva dripping from it. Just then her eyes widened as she spotted something. Quickly she phased through the air to land in front of a vending machine. Scanning the drinks from there, she discovered it did not have the drink she wanted. Frustrated, she hit the machine with a force powerful enough to bend steel. The machine began to spit and splatter. Finally it broke down and powered off. The cans of drink were scattered on the floor. Up close we saw that the drinks were all Pepsi cans. She turned around and saw Ryouga just about to finish his drink. Growling for her bad luck, she quickly zoomed to him and put her mouth to his, kissing him and sucking every last bit of the drink in his mouth. Ryouga fainted and dropped a empty can on the floor. It was a Coca Cola can. "Coca Cola. Its the Real Thing! It even grants you your wildest dreams come true! So if you want your wishes come true, Get Coke(tm) today! Bottoms Up!" ===== In the Nekohanten, the Amazon Elder was directing Shampoo and Mousse to work when the three girls entered the restuarant. Taking one look at the stranger among the trio, she concentrated on the aura of chi to determine the identity of the girl. And she was somewhat surprised that it was Ranma. Following behind were Akane and Nabiki. The rest of the family soon entered. Cocking an eyebrow, she watched the three girls approach her. There was some changes in Ranma's appearance. For one it was not her cursed form she wore. For another this new form was more lavish than the cursed form. Whatever happened, she was about to find out. "Hello son in law. What brings you here today? You would not be here for a bowl of hot and delicious ramen are you? Or should I call you daughter in law instead?" Ranma scowled and was about to retort when she remembered her plight and kept her anger in check. Cologne seemed to be goading her into making a fool of herself. "Old Ghoul, you sounds like you already know my problem." She fussed about. "Oh I don't know. Maybe you should tell us." Shampoo and Mousse leaned closer to the counter. "I am stuck like this! And my curse has returned. Happousai made a wish from someone claiming to be a 1st class 1st category bitch demoness. And the moment he made it, I became like this. And the curse did not make it better!" The redheaded woman growled. "Perhaphs you should demonstrate to us how your curse had returned." Cologne hid her amusement behind a well forged mask of disinterest. Grabbing a cup of water, Ranma poured it over her head. The familiar tingling and change occured only this time its from a well endowed mature young woman to a cute and big busted girl. "A demoness you say? Hoo boy. You do realise the consequences of being affected by a wish from a demoness don't you? Well let's sit down and I will explain it all to you." Cologne could see the confused looks at the rest of her audience. Remind me of my own youth. She sighed. "You know who's Kami-sama right? According to a legend, Kami-sama created a computer called Yggdrassil or the World Tree. This Yggdrassil is every bit a super computer used to help him run the universe and beyond. The Yggdrassil can be used by gods and demons to access information or in some cases grant wishes." "Of course not everyone get wishes. As the saying goes, If wishes were horses, beggars could fly. Only worthy individuals get wishes from both sides, good or evil. The fact that the demoness grants Happousai a wish shows how evil he is. The wishes were processed by Yggdrassil and granted." "Here is a fact. All wishes are only reversed by a wish granted by Yggdrassil or by the wisher proclaiming that his or her wishes had come true or by Kami-sama himself. The wish granted by a demoness could be counteracted by a goddess's wish. And vice versa." Cologne was barely containing her laughter. "Now you either get a goddess to grant you a wish which is near impossible or the possible and best solution is to get Happousai to declare the wish fulfilled." "So you are saying that Ranma's best chance of removing the wish's powers is to get Happousai to claim the wish is fulfilled to his satisfaction? This could be fun." Nabiki smiled as more yen signs appeared in her mind. "Um Nabiki what do you have in mind?" Ranma asked nervously. "Are you satisfied if I say 'that's a secret!'? I guess not. Now here's what I proposed." The rest of the discussion was censored due to sexual discrimination and lecher scale overload. ===== "Nabiki, do I really have to dress up like this?" Ranma looked skeptically at her image in the mirror. Nabiki was trying very hard not to roll on the floor. She settled for just giggling. "Well you said yourself you want to be that cool babe and not the demure princess. So you have to wear that. Or are you changing your mind and wear that evening gown and faux crown?" Nabiki almost could not say a word while busy laughing. "Grrr I hate you. Sometimes you know." Ranma glared at Nabiki. "Glad to offer you my services, your highness." The middle Tendou bowed gracefully. Now let's see what Ranma was wearing. A leather jacket, metalic bikini, fishnet stockings, a pair of black kneelength boots much like Sailor Pluto's. Black leather fingerless gloves and a black cap. In all she looked like the naughty bad girl with an attitude to boot. "Oh My!" was all Kasumi and Nodoka could say. Akane was on the floor rolling with laughter. "HAHahhaha.. Ranma warrior princess! You certainly looked like that!" "Oh? Akane-chan, why don't you try it on too? I am sure you look BETTER in it than me." Ranma's eyes sparkled with mischief. "What! Ranma no baka!" Akane was furious. How dare he say that? Wait. He did not say he was better. He said I was better. "Why thank you Ranma. Maybe I will try it on someday." This time Ranma and Nabiki were laughing their heads off. Akane was confused but refused to take the bait. "Well then. We best get ready for the lech." ===== Happousai was as usual gathering his silky "darlings". Feeling that he forgot about something important, he paused for a while. Demoness offered wish. Wish come true. Oh yes. Knew I forgot something! "Ranma-chan, here I come!" He arrived at the Tendou Dojo to find an unusual sight. His Ranma-chan was waiting for him wearing the most sexy and revealing outfit she would wear. She enticed him to come closer by swinging her hips and waving at him. "OOOOOOO SWEETO! Mine you are sexy babe!!" Happousai clearly was hypnoticed. When he got in front of her, she whisphered to him that his wish was satisfied and he should declare it fulfilled. She watched gleefully as Happousai followed her instructions word by word. When he almost reached the end, he snapped out of his trance and jumped back to avoid her grasp. "Uh uh. Naughty girl. Trying to trick me into breaking the wish. Now you are to stay a girl forever. Actually I was about to break the wish at the end of the day but you naughty naughty trying to trick your master. So now you pay sweeto!" He moved to grab her chest but she punted him into the air. Argh she had to stay a girl forever? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............................... She began to copy Soun's technique and cried her heart out. The entire Nerima-ku was soon flooded. And Soun added his own after the Dojo was flooded. And others joined them in the Tsunami Tears Technique. Soon the whole world was flooded. And Earth was only inhabited by aquatic creatures. Humankind got wiped out...... Wait a minute. That's NOT the end of this story. That's the end envisioned by a megalomaniac bent on world destruction. Here's the real end to this story. ===== Akane, Ukyou and Nabiki were standing in front of a gravestone. On it was marked the name Saotome Ranma. How ironic. They had been visiting her grave for the last seven years. Now in their twenties, they had blossomed into beautiful women. The release they felt from Ranma's seppuku was not enough for the sorrow they felt at her passing. True seven years ago she had taken to end her life honourably. But all of them felt that the honour that almost destroyed their life was a creature of darkness, sipping its venomous fangs into their lives. She had been distraught at the wish Happousai forced on her. She had been tormented by her father's own abandonment. Her mother's assertion that she honoured the agreement. Her friends leaving her one by one. The last straw to come. Soun's own condemnation of her. Her heart broken, identity destroyed and soul listless. Death enticed her. Drew her nearer to Him. The peace He offered was far better than the tortures of Life. In the end she joined Him. It was all over. ===== Ranma stared at her hands. In them was blood. Happousai's blood. In her rage over his refusal to lift the wish, she tore at him like a wild beast on the prow. She had killed again. Only this time she did not feel remorse. She felt relieved. Shocked at how she felt about killing the master, her mind went ballistic and she started to develop a killing urge. She was no longer a human being. She was a killing machine. Ryouga, Ukyou, Shampoo Genma, Nodoka, Soun, Akane, Nabiki, Kodachi, Kunou, Kasumi, Cologne, Tofuu. Every one of them fell to her. And she just kept going until they blast her with a bomb. A madness that built up with time and released with a single button. That was what Happousai triggered. ===== Ranma was lounging in the teahouse sipping her cup of tea. Her friend Shino was looking at her funny. After a moment, she asked Ranma what she was thinking. "Oh Nothing much Shino-chan. I was just recalling about an incident five years ago. Back then I had so much trouble coming my way. I never had a peaceful life until that incident. But its in the past. Shall we go? We still have to meet Mika-chan for dinner." "Hai let's go." Shino knew what she was thinking about. Before that incident, Ranma was a boy. How the lady in front of her could be a boy she wondered. Her friend had told her after she asked her why she preferred girls as lifemates. Knowing the truth then, she accepted her friend and lover wholeheartedly. She imagined the boy her friend was never truely found happiness like in the present. After what her girlfriend had told her, imagination became reality. Well that was in the past. Now she could see Ranma smiling. Contented in her life thus far. She grabbed her friend's hand into her own and promised herself never to let go. Ever. THE END ******* Notes: This is just an april's fool special and not related to the series. SWEETOOOOOO!